Just dashing off a quick post before running out to do some errands so I can pretend I’ve done something today!
Graduation was lovely, I didn’t cry nearly as much as I thought I would, and my daughter was surrounded by love and family and friends. More on that later.
I can’t shake this sadness. It’s sitting on me.
It’s not depression. I’ve been there, done that.
No, this is a sadness that is just with me, always. Unless I am with someone. Well, even when I’m with someone sometimes.
I feel like this is related to being alone. No partner in about 7 years. Raising kids on my own. Dealing with all problems on my own. House issues on my own. Car issues…well, I think I’ve made my point.
I don’t want to put the effort into finding someone. I just want someone here. Now. That I have a great relationship with. Someone who gives me a soft place to land. Someone that I can put my head down on their chest and know that I’m safe. Not physically safe. Emotionally safe.
Those two words mean so much to me right now, it makes me cry to write them.
I think it’s time to venture out into the big, bad world of dating…but I don’t want to. I’m afraid I’m so vulnerable that I will be taken in so easily. And I’ve already been there, done that too.
I wish that there was an easy answer to this. I’m tired of this sadness sitting on me. I want it to go away.